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This continued until about the age of 20. This was when it really got out of control as I started to contemplate visiting prostitutes; you see watching porn alone was not enough. Again, it’s like drugs, you start with basic drugs and end up with the worst. Again the internet made it very easy to do this, as prostitutes advertise themselves on the web on certain specialist websites. At first, like the previous post I would only call these women, it kind of gave me a kick. I would justify it to myself by saying that, ‘it’s not haraam to talk, as long as I don’t actually act on my feelings’, but yes… you guessed it, I moved on to the next level and committed Zina. After the first experience which left me feeling very guilty, I decided to repent to Allah Ta’ala and stop watching porn, but once you have been addicted to something for so long it’s very easy to relapse. In fact, I started to visit prostitutes on a regular basis.
After a year or two, I decided that the only way to solve my problem was to get married. Unfortunately, marriage only helped for a few months, and then I relapsed once more. However, things changed exactly 1 year ago. As I’m sure you have realised, this beast of an addiction has been the story of my life, it has absolutely consumed me in every way, I have tried so many times to slay the beast, but every time I fail. Yet, something happened to me exactly one year ago that allows me to stand before this forum today, and announce that I have finally slayed this beast. In fact, today is my 1st year of victory. Like all other addicts whenever I repented I knew at the back of my mind that this will not last.
1 year ago, when I repented I came to the realisation that I cannot have this thought at the back of my mind, as it made my repentance worthless.