Success Habits

Before You Take the Second Wife…


‘I am a strong fan of plural marriage, I like it, infact, when I was seriously searching for my second damsel, I respected myself and my first wife.

I know it is wrong to be having unprintable stuff with an intending sister, so I did not get involved in night calls or chats, no sex chats or any form of immorality with a lady that I was yet to call a wife. In the presence of my first wife, I was not receiving another woman’s call, and making lustful statements, ‘I love you, I cherish you, you are my choco milo, meat pie etc ….. So throughout the conversation I had with the new sister coming in,

I was very careful not to make that error, I knew making that mistake would already cause problem between them if I eventually marry the new lady. I was tactical, I know I needed to have wisdom, financial capacity and strength of the other room. And I tried to differentiate between ‘my money’ from ‘our money’ in order to avoid misgivings. As the husband,

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I made my wife see the sincerity in my action, that it’s not to humiliate her. I did not want to be the one causing the problems between my wives, I have started preparation for the journey of plural marriage for a long time, I was not ready to be punished by Allah for my actions.

I played a role of a good husband to my wife years before informing her of my decision to take a second wife, she was comfortable that I would not disappoint her even after taking a new bride, I knew she needed me to give words of assurance and confidence. She assisted me greatly in selecting a nice second wife for marriage.

To be a better person in plural marriage, you need to be a good husband to your wife and a good father to your children. The sister that is planning to join should also have good intention, she needs to join the existing marital relationship in order to contribute and not to destroy, my first wife did not see her as a threat but a friend, so, the incoming sisters shouldn’t come to pull down but to complement.’

Abu Sheikh

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