One the most dangerous red lines in a marriage is sex starvation for no just reasons. Some men are guilty and some women are guilty. Some women will never allow their husbands to move an inch towards them except when they want it. Some men also believe their women can’t ask them for sex. They consider it a taboo. They can ask their wives, but their wives dare not make moves even indirectly. This has no basis in Islām.
Even if a man or woman is not physically fit for action, there are other ways he or she can relieve his or her partner. The summary of the book Halāl Sex and Intimacy is: sex is beyond penetration. There are ways a couple can enjoy each other without necessarily penetrating each other. I don’t want to go into details. A man or woman should not go out leaving his or her spouse extremely horny. Something should be done if the need for intimacy is pressing.
Ordinarily, marriage is meant to be a means of lowering the gaze and protecting the private parts from unlawful sexual intercourse. The desire of many concious Muslim and Muslimah is to get married in order to overcome the trials of zina (unlawful sexual intercourse). Many also try to use marriage to curb the evil of pornography and masturbation just as the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم advised:
O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding one’s chastity…
[Sunan Ibn Majah Book: 9, Hadith: 1918]
Unfortunately, some men and women are not helping their spouses in this regard. Some men and women indirectly drive their spouses back to some sins they had probably repented from.
There is no justification for engaging in harām sexual activities. Although some people are so much addicted to sexual evils and marriage can’t even stop them from following their evil desires (Allāh’s aid is sought), sex starvation is one of the identified reasons why many men and women still engage in zina, masturbation and pornography after marriage.
During my last interview with Ustadh Wael Ibrahim, I mentioned that this problem is very common based on my interactions with many couples on sexual matters, but we don’t want to address it because we don’t want to be seen talking about sex. The issue of sex is considered a no go area in the Muslim community. We deceive ourselves a lot, and many things are happening behind close doors.
If marriage doesn’t curb people from engaging in sexual evils, that means it has not achieved its purpose as mentioned by Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم in the above Hadith. It is therefore, important for couples to check themselves deeply and allow marriage to serve its purpose of promoting chastity and curbing immortality.
