DON’T MAKE THE MISTAKES WE MADE, PLAN FOR A MARRIAGE NOT A WEDDING

It has taken a while to realise it but for many of us, marriage is not what we thought it would be. The romance is gone, the fights keep coming and we are clueless as to how to resolve them let alone find an equilibrium of understanding that lets us coexist peacefully. Growth is affected, everything is affected and we know now, what we didn’t know then.

We planned for the wedding; the build up to this being a relationship that focused on the shallow and the material (the thought of wanting to settle seemed like it was all the depth we needed) so we did it good, proposal on point, date on point, introduction on point, asoebi, jollof, on point. Instagram hashtag on point, reception party on point, honeymoon on point.

But that was it. We planned for the wedding and we had the wedding. Unfortunately, we forgot to plan for the marriage. We forgot to plan for misunderstandings and know how we’d try to resolve between us always. We forgot to plan how to handle pregnancy and childbirth when it comes on time, beyond just the bump and baby shots. We forgot to plan for the wait for the pregnancy and child when it doesn’t come on time. We forgot to plan finances when they are good and how to stay solid when not the best, we forgot to agree and plan what financial model. We forgot to learn and plan how to fall in love with ourselves over and over again.

So, here we are, but today, we are not smiling at you, not posting ‘photoshopped’ pictures, not painting you an image that does not exist beyond the virtual.

Today, we are asking that you do not make the mistakes that many of us made. Plan for a marriage beyond the wedding.

Many of us got here because nobody told us these things. Be the reason someone knows about it. Be the reason they stand a change at creating better marriages and homes than we managed.

@ Shamseddin Giwa

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