Men easily fall into selfishness as the head of the house. The feeling that you will get what you want irrespective of how you behave in marriage makes selfishness an easy trap to fall into. That’s why you will find many essays on a wife making herself attractive and available to her husband to fulfill his sexual needs but not too many are written about the man trying to keep himself in a state he will arouse sexual interest in his wife.
Women are very sensitive creatures with a quite better sense of smell and touch. This means external stimuli that we men may miss or find comfortable, your wife wouldn’t. This is why good hygiene is very important to women when it comes to intimacy, unlike many men who are indifferent.
Ironically, men aren’t as perturbed about hygiene as Women are. There are tolerable thresholds, but at some point it becomes quite disturbing and off putting.
•Oral hygiene.
When I meet some men in public and perceive the malodorous stench oozing from their buccal cavity, I can’t help but feel deeply sorry for their wife. If I can’t stand a second more with him how exactly does his household put up with him? Imagine such a man being intimate with his wife and he intermittently sprays her face with the brutal emissions from his mouth, as he grunts away in pleasure oblivious of his persecution.
It is almost as though I could imagine the poor woman holding her breath and shielding her face from the gaseous onslaught. How on earth do you expect any semblance of enjoyment from such intimacy? A torture you can’t wait to be over? Forgive my gory depiction of that scenario. I needed men guilty of neglecting their oral hygiene to have an idea of how their nonchalance may be ruining intimacy for their wives.
Good oral hygiene is non negotiable when it comes intimacy, not just because a good kiss requires a clean mouth, but because bad smell is generally anti-arousing especially for women. Brush regularly, at least twice a day. Check your breath regularly by cupping your palms and bringing them close to your face then breath into them. If it stinks it is time to brush. Brush properly, reaching deep crevices of the mouth, both vertically and horizontally.
Avoid spices like garlic whose smell stay long after eating it, when you know intimacy is planned, or ensure you brush after eating it or just before intimacy. Consult your Doctor if you have halitosis. Be humble enough to listen to your wife when she says your mouth smells and do what is necessary. It is not every avenue you let your ego kick into action. If she says your mouth smells go and brush your mouth. Obstinacy and masculine ego will not magically produce a mouthwash or a fresh breath.
•Body Hygiene
It is not all the time women want penetrative intimacy. Sometimes they just want to cozy up to their husband’s body and snuggle into his warm embrace enjoying the warmth that offers. Some wives really wish to do this but the smell from their husband’s body makes that exercise suicidal, at least to her nose. His armpit is an unfortunate swamp of overgrown hair and sweat that has overstayed its welcome, the result is an armpit that smells like a sewer. The skin has no attractive scent to it and even what was supposed to be his natural body smell has been tainted by dried sweat and bacterial activity.
His groin is even worse; From underwears that are overdue for a change to poor pubic hygiene, the whole area should have been marked off as a crime scene and access restricted. Sadly, such a man may even want fellatio more than he wants ice creams! Show me a worse nightmare!
Bath as often as is needed, in the morning and after long hours at work, especially before going intimate with your spouse. Do not carry all the sweat and smell from work and from traffic to the bedroom. Change your underwears after a long day. Don’t be a sniff-and-wear (eeeew!). For fresh air to reach ‘appropriate quarters’ consider going underwear-less sometimes while at home. Do not keep pubic hairs for too long.
Scrub your armpits and groin area adequately when you bath and make sure the soap lather is rinsed off these places properly. Bathing is not just for workdays but especially weekends when you will spend time with your family. At least do not stay beyond midday without a bath. Do not be the reason the house carries about it a pungent smell, and you can’t be told lest you get offended.
Even if you won’t be clean for the pleasure of your wife, Islam requires us to stay clean as a sense of religious duty. Ideally we should use the siwak before every salat, which would have sufficed to keep our mouth clean if we stuck to it, and ultimately, cleanliness is considered a part of faith.
So what is your excuse dear brother?
Abu Imrān
