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Tue 10 Dhul Qidah 1444AH 30-5-2023AD at 11:38 am #90089
From a sister
“I have done background check ooo and I was told he was once married with a kid which he did not mention but the marriage did not last up to a year. But now have called it quit not because he was married before but because he’s demanding for sex or romance and even still justifying it that it is permissible in Islam, Abu sheikh imagine.”
I salute the courage of this sister because the same thing she rejected is what many other sisters are falling into on daily basis. We can continue to say it, background check helps tremendously except you do not know how to do it. It is however easy to achieve if you are not infatuated, do not go near the intending partner, maintain what Islam stands for, even he or she is trying to manipulate the narrative. Still, morality means sacrificing your personal interest for the interest of the Deen.
As a lady seeking marriage, try to know the boundaries, do not allow unnecessary calls, videos, pictures, visits or any form of immorality, some sisters indirectly seduce these men with their actions, yet there is no justification for immoral acts on the part of the brothers, like they say; if your mother in law does not know how to sit, you must learn how to refrain your eyes.
Sisters in relationship with brothers who are good at Arabic prowess or sugar coated tongues can be manipulated easily. It is good to know what Islam stands for, if you are not sound Islamically, these people will use it against you, they will tell you that there is nothing wrong in undressing yourself before them, even, they have the permission to have sex without marriage, and still quote unsubstantiated evidence to support their immoral acts.
You should desire the rudiments of relationship and the proper process before marriage, if not, when you come across people who can turn logic on its head, you will be taken for granted. There are many people out there that will tell you nothing is wrong with fornication or adultery, they will bring up unsubstantiated proofs to justify their corrupt acts, so if you chose not to know, you will pay dearly for it. Once you see a brother or sister that tries to rationalize or justify privacy or immoral acts, it is a red flag, it is in your own best interest to say No effectively.
The sister in question has met the brother, she likes him, she prays about it, but she did not stop there, she embarks on background check where she discovered he lied about his marital status, then the brother was also demanding sex or romance before marriage, that alone shows the brother is not feeling fine, and to cap it up, he justified it, what else do you need? A true believer will feel remorseful after committing sin, and go on to repent to Allah, and never go near it.
We can blame these uncultured men forever, but our sisters need to be scolded too, they practically ask for illicit relationships, demanding for money and items, and when people give, they will surely feel entitled. These sisters ask for unnecessary attention from their intending partners, then the need to lust will be established consciously or unconsciously, and when you make yourself too available in a mere relationship, you will be taken for granted. Most sisters are the reason why men are tempted to touch.
Any man or woman that justifies his or her sin will not make a good partner in marriage. I have seen a brother, as in, brother in Islam as he called himself, who bluntly told me, ‘I saw your post condemning sexual relationship between two unmarried people, Abu Sheikh, where is your proof?, I was amazed! if any sister is linked to a brother like this, he will sleep with her and still justifies it. Waste no more time arguing about what a good man or woman should be, be one.
Always pay attention to details.
Abu Sheikh
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